Welcome to CTRL+ALT+Spiral, my weekly blog series where life unravels, rewinds, and sometimes redeems itself (but only sometimes). There will be 33 spirals in total (we’re at #10 now), and if you’re new here, get some popcorn and Cadbury’s chocolate. This is basically my Netflix-length drama about what it feels like to live in another country, change my profession from operations/project manager to teacher, all the while writing about it. And along the way, I’ll try not to have “my moods,” as my mom likes to say.
Okay, I’ll admit — Season 1 was a lot of spiraling from March till now. Everything felt gloomy, hopeless, and never-ending. I lost a lot of my hopeful cheer. But I made up for all of that by putting on an extra 5 kgs (11 pounds) mostly on my face and hips. I blame the weekly McDonald’s after work, and McMorning on Saturdays and Sundays. Just takeout in general. My favorite apps include Yogiyo and Coupang Eats. I always think it’s okay because delivery is free.
Add to that the tax headache, dental woes that slowly made me hate my teeth after the work was done, and meltdowns in Korean language classes on italki and we can call it the worst six months of my life. Grief is insane, and for the first time I know what that really means. I keep trying to make everything feel okay: wake up early, read, meditate, run… but I’m also ready to emotionally embarrass myself in public over simple things like a civil servant asking for more documents. What a ride. But I guess I’ll never fully get over losing a loved one, and the guilt will probably stay with me until the day my time on earth ends.
But I’m here now. It’s Season 2 of journaling my life online and somehow, it has a different energy. What is that energy? Well, I still spiral, sure. But instead of being defeated by the spirals, I’m showing up and facing them. The vibe has shifted. Maybe now, I’m even starting to enjoy the spirals and the spins of life.
And yet, the one saving grace has been running.
Running Into Myself
It’s 3PM on a Wednesday (yeah, like that catchy song). Classes are done, but I feel this insane urge to run. Like, I’m already imagining it: the pavement, my black shoes hitting the ground, the hot breeze on my face. I feel happy and excited.
So, home time. I rush to the gym, get my workout in, and then I’m rushing home to get ready for this run. I don’t even know where this energy came from, but it was unstoppable.
My plan was to stop when it felt like too much. You know the fear the usual one: be careful, or your knee will get hurt again.
But I couldn’t stop. I pushed. And nothing broke. Instead, the fear broke, and splintered into pieces and scattered somewhere along the path.
The edge I kept searching for finally gave way. And in that moment, I realized once and for all: my body is not fragile. It’s adapting. The more I run, the better I feel. Running has become proof that spirals are inevitable, but I can handle them.
Oh, and I swam for the first time in Korea. Picture me: awkward, ungraceful, definitely not Olympic material. But the water gave me a kind of energy I didn’t even know I was missing.
Language Spirals
Then there’s Korean class. After 3–4 weeks away (my last attempt ended with me mentally blanking out and practically spiraling on Zoom), I went back.
Same teacher. Same “why are you even trying?” panic. But this time, I kept calm. I reminded myself: I’m here for practice.
Is my language teacher a little mean? Maybe. Maybe that’s just her style. But we’ve been at this for a while now, and something clicked. I actually understood more. I even had the courage to speak more. So maybe I am getting better!
That’s partly thanks to a kind colleague who’s been patient with me, reminding me that it's fine to speak even if I don't speak in perfect Korean. And you know what? That’s Season 2 energy: I might spiral in class, but I don’t break. I keep going. Three more lessons left and honestly? Maybe this teacher belongs in the Season 2 storyline after all. Maybeeeee lol.
Letting Go (and Moving On)
My recent vacation taught me something I didn’t expect: life is better than hiding indoors. People are kind, helpful, and warmer than I gave them credit for. Why have I been so hell bent on staying indoors, when the world outside is lovely. I guess it was first paying of debt, then getting my MBA then studying for my teachers license and working on my blog. I never really made time to have fun and to pay attention to those I care about. Perhaps my ex was right. But yeah sometimes it takes a heartbreaking event like losing a parent to know you have to change something. Even so, sometimes we realise it too late and it's hard to go back.
In any case, ,y vacation also helped me let go of some things I’d been clinging to for far too long. Do I still hold out hope? Yes. But I also know it’s over. I’m devastated and moving on anyway. Because it feels heavy to stay on the roller coaster. And I’m ready to get off now, and let go.
Life Inside the Spiral
Here’s the thing: spirals don’t stop. They just change shape.
Season 1 was survival and unraveling, breaking down, holding myself together.
Season 2 is living inside the spiral but pushing further, finding strength, speaking even when I’m nervous, and yes, even swimming awkward laps in Korea.
The spiral goes on. And so do I. 🌪️
Want More?
I share a new spiral every week — 23 more to go. Subscribe here if you don’t want to miss the next spin:
Catch up on a previous spiral here → CTRL+ALT+Spiral #9
Please note this post was created directly by me. I did use chatgpt to edit grammar and spelling.